The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess Musical
by StarDragon411
Summary: Watch as the characters of Twilight Princess are kidnapped and forced to sing top hits and some ridiculous ones.
1. The Start of Something New

_Note: I don't own Zelda or any of the songs._

"Who _are_ you?" demanded Zant,

"This is stupid!" yelled an infuriated Midna.

"I demand that you release me at once!" snapped Zelda.

"What is this place?" asked Link.

The four were forcibly being dragged through a large, dark auditorium by three teenagers (one of them took two). Ganondorf was being pulled by Star and was duck-taped, groaning curse words. When they reached the front row, they tossed the Zelda characters into seats. Ganondorf was handcuffed to his seat and Star ripped the duck tape off his face.

"Hey! Are you going to tell us where we are?" asked Midna.

Star stepped forward. "On Earth."

"What are you going to do with us?" asked Link.

Monica was having fun tasering a struggling Ganon. Everyone was staring at him with horror.

"Make you sing," Star simply replied.

"I can't sing!" exclaimed Ganon, taking a break from being tasered.

"Well, I won't make _you_ sing first," said Star.

"Then who?"

Monica started tasering Ganon again. Star glanced furtively at Link and Midna. Both of their eyes widened.

"No! I am _not_ singing!" yelled Link.

"Not with _him_!" screamed Midna.

Star threw both of them a script.

"'The Star of Something New,'" read Link.

Anton nodded. "It's from High School Musical."

"What's that?" asked Midna.

"It's a song that's perfect for you two," said Star.

Anton and Star grabbed them by the arm and hauled them onstage, throwing them each a microphone. Monica had stopped the tasering and Ganon was slumped in his seat, unconscious.

The background music started playing. Link and Midna shifted awkwardly.

**Link:**

_Living in my own world  
Didn't understand  
That anything can happen  
When you take a chance_

**Midna:**

_I never believed in  
What I couldn't see  
I never opened my heart  
To all the possibilities_

**Both:**_  
I know_

**Midna:**

_That something has changed_

**Both:**

_Never felt this way_

**Midna:**_  
And right here tonight_

**Both:**

_This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you, oh  
And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new_

**Link:**

_Now who'd of ever thought that  
We'd both be here tonight_

**Midna:**

_And the world looks so much brighter _

_With you by my side_

**Both:**

_I know...that something has changed  
__Never felt this way_

**Midna:**

_I know it for real_

**Both:**

_This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you, oh  
And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new_

**Link:**

_I never knew that it could happen  
__'Til it happened to me  
__Ohhh, yeah_

**Midna:**

_I didn't know it before  
__But now it's easy to see, ohhhh_

**Both:**

_It's the start of somethin' new  
__It feels so right to be here with you...ohhh  
__And now...lookin' in your eyes  
__I feel in my heart  
__That it's the—_

_Start of something new  
__It feels so right  
__To be here with you, oh  
__And now looking in your eyes  
__I feel in my heart  
__The start of something new_

Everyone just stared at them, even Ganon, who regained conscious. Link and Midna both flushed on walked offstage.

"Well, that was a bad ending," said Star. "Nothing special. Okay, Zant, Ganon, you're next."


	2. The Pokemon Theme Song

Star sat down in a chair and started making plans with a notebook. Zant and Ganon were grudgingly onstage, looking depressed.

"This song?" asked Ganon.

"Yes, this song," replied Star.

Zant started stamping the ground like a little kid. "I don't wanna do this song!"

"Shut up and sing!"

**Ganon:**

_I wanna be the very best  
Like no one ever was  
To catch them is my real test  
To train them is my cause_

**Zant:**

_I will travel across the land  
Searching far and wide  
Each Pokémon to understand  
The power that's inside_

**Both:**

_Pokemon!_

**Ganon:**

_It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny_

**Both:**

_Pokémon!_

**Zant:**

_Oh, you're my best friend  
In a world we must defend_

**Both:**

_Pokemon! A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through,_

You teach me and I'll teach you,  
Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all

**Ganon:**

_Every challenge along the way  
With courage I will face.  
I will battle every day  
To claim my rightful place._

**Zant:**

_Come with me,  
the time is right,  
there's no better team._

_Arm in arm we'll win the fight!  
It's always been our dream!_

**Both:**

_Pokémon!_

**Ganon:**

_It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny_

**Both:**

_Pokémon!_

**Zant:**

_Oh, you're my best friend  
In a world we must defend_

**Both:**

_Pokemon! A heart so true  
Our courage will pull us through,_

You teach me and I'll teach you,  
Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all

_Gotta catch 'em all!_

Zant and Ganon stalked off stage, both looking like they were going to strangle someone. Noticing this, Star made Monica taser them.


	3. The SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song

**Tastes of Strawberries:** Thanks for the reviewing. As for the lyrics thing, a bunch of people do it, so they don't seem to be checking for it.

**Imagine00my00world:** Dang, I had no clue it would be _that_ funny.

* * *

The auditorium had gotten fuller; Star had forcibly taken some Ordonians too. Now she had fallen asleep in her chair. Ganon went over and kicked her. Star fell out of her chair, papers flying everywhere. 

"What was that for?" she demanded.

"Out of all the fanfics that I'm forcibly put in, this is one of _the_ worst!" Ganon yelled.

"Geez, you're worse than Zant when it comes to whining."

"I _die_ in fanfictions! This one—this one—"

"Makes you forcibly sing the Pokémon theme song, which is cool in my book," Star replied, calmly. "Now get onstage."

She shoved Ganon onstage. A bunch of Ordonian kids were huddled in a corner of the stage.

"Guys, get a grip. If Ganon hurts you, I'll just taser him. Simple as that."

The kids still looked scared but reluctantly began to sing.

**Ganon:**

_Are you ready, kids?_

**Kids:**

_Aye- aye, captain!_

**Ganon:**

_I can't hear you._

**Kids:**

_AYE- AYE, CAPTAIN!_

The kids literally screamed into their microphones; Link, who was walking over to where Ilia was sitting, tripped and fell on Midna, who was passing by.

**Ganon:**

_Ohhh! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?_

**Kids:**

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

**Ganon:**

_Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!_

**Kids:**

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

**Ganon:**

_If nautical nonsense be something you wish..._

**Kids:**

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

**Ganon:**

_Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!_

**Kids:**

_SpongeBob SquarePants!_

**All:**

_SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!_

**Ganon:**

_SpongeBob... SquarePants!_

"AHHHHH!!! CHILDREN!!!" Ganon ran offstage and out the door.

"Get off of me!" yelled Midna, throwing Link off.

Star gasped. "It looks like we have something going on between you two! French fry?"

They pounced on her.


	4. Shoes

"What happened to that thing you and your friend always carried?" asked Link.

"You mean the taser?" Star replied.

He nodded.

"Tasers are, like, so five minutes ago," Star said. "Now I will dress you up in something stupid and drag you all through town."

Zelda appeared by Link's side. "Where's Ganondorf?"

Star had shifty eyes. "Uh…"

**Somewhere in the middle of New York City**

"Hello, everybody!" yelled Monica in the middle of Times Square. "Meet my new friend Ganondorf!"

Ganon unwillingly, of course, was in a bunny costume and sporting a tutu.

A bunch of kids passing by threw their slurpies at him.

**Back in the auditorium**

"Zant, you're up!" Star yelled.

The Twili was messing up Star's DS and abusing her Nintendogs. "Oh great, what now?"

"Another song. Now go!"

Zant was thrown onstage, along with Link, Zelda, Midna, Ilia, and Ganondorf.

"Why are _they_ with me?" demanded Zant.

"Why _him_?" yelled Midna.

"Shut it and start singing!"

**Note: There's a lot of profanity in this song.**

**Zant:**

_Shoes.  
Shoes.  
Shoes.  
Oh my God.  
Shoes._

**Ganon:**

_Let's get some shoes.  
Let's get some shoes.  
Let's get some shoes.  
Let's get some shoes._

**Both:**

_Shoes.  
Shoes.  
Shoes.  
Oh, my God, shoes.  
Shoes._

**Zant:**

_These shoes rule._

**Ganon:**

_These shoes suck._

**Zant:**

_These shoes rule._

**Ganon:**

_These shoes suck!_

**Both:**

_Shoes.  
Shoes.  
Shoes.  
Oh, my God, shoes._

**Zant:**

_These shoes rule.  
These shoes suck.__  
These shoes suck.  
These shoes suck!_

**Zelda:**

_I think you have too many shoes._

**Zant:**

_Shut up!_

**Midna:**

_I think you have too many shoes._

**Zant:**

_Shut up!_

**Link:**

_I think you have too many shoes._

**Ganon:**

_Shut up!_

_(He throws Link on the floor and starts strangling him.)_

_Stupid boy._

**Zant:**

_Stupid boy._

**Both:**

_Let's get some shoes._

_Let's party!_

**Zant:**

_These shoes are three hundred dollars.  
These shoes are three hundred dollars.  
These shoes are three hundred fucking dollars._

**Both:**_  
Let's get 'em!_

**Ilia:**

_Um...this style runs small. I don't think you're gonna fit.  
I mean, your feet are kinda big._

**Ganon:**

_Oh.  
Oh.  
Oh.  
Oh, by the way bitch,  
FUCK YOU  
FUCK YOU  
FUCK YOU  
FUCK YOU!_

"You know, that song was pretty neat," said Star. "It really fits you two."

Zant and Ganon glare at her and start attacking her around the room.


	5. Hips Don't Lie

"Oh, gods," whispered Zelda. "_This _song, Star?"

"Yeah, this song…with Zant!" Star replied.

Zelda screamed. "But the lyrics, they say…."

Star grins.

"This song's kinda slow," said Zant.

Star looks over Zant's shoulder. "Oops, wrong script." She changed his script. "Here you go!"

As he scans the paper, Zant's eyes widened. "WHAT?!?!?"

"Yeah, it's great, huh? Sing. NOW!!!"

**Zant:**

_Ladies up in here tonight  
No fighting, no fighting  
We got the refugees up in here  
No fighting, no fighting_

I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man wants to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  


**Zelda:**

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body_

And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection

**Zant:**

_Hey Girl, I can see your body moving  
And it's driving me crazy  
And I didn't have the slightest idea  
Until I saw you dancing_

And when you walk up on the dance floor  
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl  
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it  
So you can keep on shaking it

I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa

**Zelda:**

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body_

And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel you boy  
Come on lets go, real slow  
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto

Oh I know I am on tonight my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection

_  
Oh boy, I can see your body moving  
Half animal, half man  
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing  
But you seem to have a plan  
My will and self restraint  
Have come to fail now, fail now  
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know  
That's a bit too hard to explain_

**Zant:**

_I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
_

**Zelda:**

_Oh baby when you talk like that  
You know you got me hypnotized  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body_

**Zant:**

_Senorita, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia_

Yeah  
_She's so sexy every man's fantasy a refugee like me back with the Fugees from a 3rd world country  
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty  
I need a whole club dizzy  
Why the CIA wanna watch us?  
Colombians and Haitians  
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction  
No more do we snatch ropes  
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats_

**Zelda:**

_I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel you boy  
Come on let's go, real slow  
Baby, like this is perfecto_

Oh, you know I am on tonight and my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
The attraction, the tension  
Baby, like this is perfection

Star sat up and started clapping loudly; she was the only one that did. "That was beautiful! Zelant FOREVER!"

"You have a mental issue!" screamed Zant.

Star threw cotton candy at him.

"ARGH!! THE FLUFFINESSS! AHHH!"


	6. For Good

"What ridiculous song will you have me do next?" asked Zelda.

"Oh, you and Zant won't be doing a song," Star replied. "But Link and Midna will."

"Not again!" they both yelled.

**Midna:**

_I'm limited  
Just look at me - I'm limited  
And just look at you  
You can do all I couldn't do, Link  
So now it's up to you  
For both of us - now it's up to you..._

**Link:**

_I've heard it said  
That people come into our lives for a reason  
Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led  
To those who help us most to grow  
If we let them  
And we help them in return  
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you_

**Both:**

_Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you  
I have been changed for good_

**Midna:**

_It well may be  
That we will never meet again  
In this lifetime  
So let me say before we part  
So much of me  
Is made of what I learned from you  
You'll be with me  
Like a handprint on my heart  
And now whatever way our stories end  
I know you have re-written mine  
By being my friend..._

**Both:**

_Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a skybird  
In a distant wood  
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  
But because I knew you_

**Link:**

_Because I knew you_

**Both:**

_I've been changed for good._

**Midna:**

_And just to clear the air  
I ask forgiveness  
For the thing I've done you blame me for_

**Link:**

_But then, I guess we know  
There's blame to share_

**Both:**

_And none of it seems to matter anymore_

**Link:**

_Like a comet pulled from orbit  
As it passes a sun  
Like a stream that meets a boulder  
Halfway through the wood_

**Midna: (in the background)**

_Like a ship blown from its mooring  
By a wind off the sea  
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood_

**Both:**

_Who can say if I've been  
Changed for the better?  
I do believe I have been  
Changed for the better_

**Link:**

_And because I knew you..._

**Midna:**

_Because I knew you..._

**Both:**

_I've been changed for good._

Star started bawling and blew her nose on a tissue. "That was so beautiful! I love you guys!"

Both of the singers blushed and walked offstage without a word. "That was weird," said Midna.

"It's _so_ ROMANTIC!" Star screamed.

"Oh, yippee for you," muttered Amy.


	7. At the Beginning

_A/N: The Zelant chapter was for humor. As if I really support that. (Now I think it's kinda creepy)_

_Sorry for the long update. I was going to do it last week, but my goldfish died and I won him at a carnival three years ago. _

_R.I.P._

"Zant, get onstage!" yelled Star. "I want to test something out!"

"Oh, gods, what now?" demanded Zant.

"_DO IT!!!!!"_

"Okay, okay." Zant went onstage. "Now what?"

Star set something at the foot of the stage where he was at and signaled for Monica to push him.

"_AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"_

Zant had fallen on a cactus, a very large and prickly cactus. He went around in circles until he crashed into a wall and was knocked out.

"Now you see what happens to people who don't cooperate with me. You'll be put in a bunny suit and fall on a Mexican Lime Cactus. Clear?"

The Twilight Princess characters stared in horror at Zant, who had the cactus attached to his face and spines everywhere, and nodded.

"Good. Now we're friends. Midna, Link, you're up, and someone call 9-1-1 for Zant. Throw him in the lake nearby and pretend it's a homicide. Ilia, I hate you!! Can someone drown her with Zant?"

Ilia started crying.

"I love this song!" yelled Star. "SING!!!!!"

**Midna:**

_We were strangers, starting out on a journey  
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through  
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing  
At the beginning with you_

**Link:**

_No one told me I was going to find you  
Unexpected, what you did to my heart  
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me  
This is the start_

**Both:**

_And life is a road that I wanna keep going  
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing  
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey  
I'll be there when the world stops turning  
I'll be there when the storm is through  
In the end I wanna be standing  
At the beginning with you_

**Midna:**

_We were strangers on a crazy adventure  
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true  
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future  
At the beginning with you_

**Both:**

_And life is a road that I wanna keep going  
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing  
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey  
I'll be there when the world stops turning  
I'll be there when the storm is through  
In the end I wanna be standing  
At the beginning with you_

_Knew there was somebody, somewhere  
A new love in the dark  
Now I know my dream will live on  
I've been waiting so long  
Nothing's gonna tear us apart_

_And life is a road that I wanna keep going  
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing  
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey  
I'll be there when the world stops turning  
I'll be there when the storm is through  
In the end I wanna be standing  
At the beginning with you_

_Yeah_

_Life is a road that I wanna keep going on  
Love is a river, I wanna keep going_

**Midna:**

_Starting out on a journey_

**Both:**  
_Life is a road that I wanna keep going  
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing  
In the end I wanna be standing  
At the beginning with you_

Star had begun to cry. "That was so beautiful! You guys are so good together." She heard a large splash behind her and smiled, Ilia screaming.


	8. Girlfriend

"Ms. Star, you are charged with throwing a cactus at a man and throwing an innocent girl in the lake," said the police man.

"Oh, come on!" said Star. "No damage done."

"The girl has a cactus leg across her throat."

"Well, first off, she's a teenager and second Zant's not human so it doesn't count."

Ilia was sitting alone in the corner of the auditorium with a neck brace and shivering from the water. Zant was on the floor with the cactus spines being poked out of him.

"So….MONICA!!!"

Monica got rope and chains, bound the officer, and threw him into a closet.

Star got a clipboard, checking things off. "Unfortunately, Zant's too sick to perform, and I might get some flames from the LinkXIlia fans for making Midna attack her _and_ me bashing her so I guess Link, Midna, and Zelda are up! Actually, I support you guys being together, all of you. Pity Ilia couldn't be here. You could've ganged up on her. Warning! This song may contain catfights. Link, you won't do anything, and their singing will be directed to you."

**Midna:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend_

**Zelda:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

**Midna:**

_You're so fine  
I want you mine  
You're so delicious  
I think about ya all the time  
You're so addictive  
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?  
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious  
And hell Yeah  
I'm the (beep!) princess  
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right_

**Zelda:**

_She's like so whatever  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about!_

**Midna:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend_

**Zelda:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

**Midna:**

_I can see the way, I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time again and again  
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear  
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear  
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again_

**Zelda:**

_She's like so whatever  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about!_

**Midna:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

**Zelda:**

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
Cause I can, cause I can do it better  
There's no other  
So when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid  
What the hell were you thinking?!_

**Midna:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your girlfriend  
_  
**Zelda:**

_Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your girlfriend_

Something was wrong onstage. "I'm _stupid_?" yelled Midna to Zelda.

"Oh, goddesses, not this," said Link.

Ganon started snoring.

"No!" yelled Zelda. "But I do get Link."

"Who says _you_ get him princess-who-can't-go-a-day-with-out-being-kidnapped-or-possessed?"

"I _saved_ you from dying."

"I did too, before Ganon could squeeze you to a pulp."

Star got out a digital camera. "Whoa! This'll be so cool!"

Midna got out her Fused Shadows, and Zelda made a ball of light energy. They started attacking each other.


	9. Ugly Girl

_I updated. Yay! School started and I went on vacation so that's why I haven't updated for so long._

And the winner of the fight is...

A DRAW!

Zelda and Midna were sitting on the opposite sides of the auditorium, glaring at each other and covered in bandages head to toe.

"Ilia, I'm sorry for what I did to you," said Star. "Now I'll make you sing this song with Link."

"Really? Yay!" Star gave them both scripts and made them walk up on stage.

**Link:**

_Hi, Ilia!_

**Ilia:**

_Hey, Link!_

**Link:**

_Wanna go for a ride?_

**Ilia:**

_Sure, Link!_

**Link:**

_Well, forget it!_

**Ilia:**

_I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl  
Sad I have it, I should bag it  
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair  
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation_

**Link: **

_You're so ugly  
You disgust me!_

Midna started laughing hysterically.

**Ilia:**

_I'm a bland, homely girl,  
All alone in the world  
I'm as flat as board  
Thin and lanky_

**Link:**

_You're a dog, and a troll  
Were you hit by a train?  
Don't come near me  
'Cause your breath is stinky!_

**Ilia:**

_Don't get touched  
I'm afraid  
'Cause guys say  
I'm an eyesore_

Boo hoo!

I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl  
Sad I have it, I should bag it  
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair  
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation

**Link:**

_You're so ugly  
You disgust me_

**Ilia:**

_Boo hoo, hoo, yeah_

**Link:**

_You're so ugly  
You disgust me_

**Ilia:**

_Boo hoo! Boo hoo!_

Oh, let's go out and have some fun!

**Link:**

_I'm sorry, but you're too damn ugly!_

**Ilia:**

_Oh, screw you, Link!_

Ilia, in tears, walked offstage, with Link following behind her. "Ilia! Wait! That stupid Star person made me sing that song! I don't think you're ugly!"

"Well, _I_ do," said Star. "And so do a bunch of reviewers."

Midna fell off her chair and was now banging the floor with her fists. "Screw you, Ilia!"


	10. Zant's Mom

"Zant! Ganondorf!" yelled Star. "You're next!"

"What stupid song do I have—?" Star threw Ganondorf a script to shut him up. He read the lyrics. "I _like_ this song!"

"Oh, gods, what are you doing now?" breathed Zant.

**Note: Another song with profanity.**

**Ganon:  
**_Weeelllll,_

Zant's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch,  
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,  
She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch,  
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls. 

**Zant:** (really angry)

Shut your fucking mouth, Ganon!

**Ganon:**

_On Monday she's a bitch  
On Tuesday she's a bitch  
On Wednesday thru Saturday she's a bitch  
Then on Sunday just to be different,  
She's a super king kamehameha be-atch  
_

_Come on you all know the words!_

_  
Have you ever met my friend Zant's Mom,  
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,  
She's a mean old bitch, she has stupid hair,  
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch  
Bitch, bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch  
She's a stupid bitch, Zant's Mom's a bitch,  
And she's such a dirty bitch._

Zant was _so _mad afterwards. "Ganondorf, you son of a -(beep)- you little (beep)! You son of a (beep)ing (beep) (beep) (beep)! I'm going to tear off your (beep) and shove them right up your (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) and then (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) on your (beep) (beep) (beep) with (beep) (beep) (beep) in the (beep) (beep) and (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) (beep) your (beep) (beep) (beep) so then you'll have to (beep) sideways!"

Everyone gaped at him.


End file.
